Thank you 2021.
Not exactly the first thing I thought I’d write as this hellscape of a year comes to a close. And not with a whimper. With the cruelest of bangs by taking Betty White, America’s Golden Girl, just 17 days shy of her 100th birthday. Talk about icing on the 2021 napalm shit cake. You’ve toyed with us like a cat batting around a mouse before sinking its teeth in for the kill. Bad “news” is everywhere, pumped into the bloodstream of society without a shred of authentication, along with lies of impunity that turn the best of us into the worst of us. My heart beats a mile a minute whenever I pull up social media, but that’s nothing compared to when I watch cable news. I’m afraid to look at my first half of this year’s Fitbit heart rate report during the hours of 6:30am and 7:00pm. The constant flow of utter bullshit is enough to make me want to unplug and find the nearest bunker to hunker down in until the Zombie apocalypse. Yet through it all, and I do mean ALL, I fucking made it. That’s right 2021, you gave me your best shot and my middle fingers are pointing right back at you.
I’m not going to give you anymore power by listing all the evil shit you’ve done. I’m still standing, stronger than ever, and still grateful for my abundance of blessings. You tried to tear my family apart, yet I’ve never felt closer. You tried to convince me I wasn’t good enough, yet I’m on the eve of opening my own practice. You tried to use my fear of failure every time I sat down to write, yet my unwavering support system was there to lift me up whenever you succeeded in getting me down. And you teamed up with your sadistic sidekick Imposter Syndrome and bludgeoned me into believing Hat Trick would be a bust, but you were no match for the guidance of my fellow authors, especially my great friend Ali Spooner, and the thousands of wonderful readers who gave it a shot. The high reviews show it is well received.
You tried to burn my State off the planet, not giving a shit if you took parts of Nevada with it, but the scores of firefighters and emergency personnel fought back heroically and saved multitudes of lives and property. At times it felt like you lassoed the Sun and pulled us closer until we became neighbors with Venus, drying up our water supply while melting our ice caps at record rates. I really don’t have a retort to that. Climate Change is real and we are super, duper fucked if we don’t do something drastic like yesterday.
I guess what I’m trying to say is, while 2021 was the ultimate hold my 12 pack of beer to 2020, the non stop awfulness really drove home that if I can make it through this, I can make it through anything. And if I can’t, I’m going to go down swinging. The calluses and scars you are leaving behind remind me that I won and while I may be battered and bruised, my future has never felt more hopeful.
So thank you 2021. Thank you for helping me realize my inner strength to take the risks I’ve always wanted to take, but was too afraid to try. I have one life to live and it’s time I lived it.
Oh, one more thing, stay the fuck away from 2022 or so help me god I’ll lock you in a cube that blasts the Barney theme song on an infinite loop. What can be more torturous than that?
Good riddance to bad 2021 rubbish.
And to the rest of us, here’s to a wonderful 2022, full of love, good health, and happiness.
KLG